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chapelznini's Journal

Saturday, April 14, 2007

2:45PM

I'm suppose to study but instead I play dressed up. =) Can't get enough of clothes now! Oh god, I love make up. Can somebody please give me one good slap on my face so that I can get back to study to aim for an A1 in maths? Haha but this is really not me. Not me at all. Anyway, why the hell I dream about that bastard AGAIN? yes today, I dream about him AGAIN. I calculate and its 4 times now. Oh my god. What is happening to me? I don't expect that bastard to appear in my dreams AGAIN. I though it will NEVER happen again. Damn it. Oh well, what the hell.

Current mood: crappy

Friday, April 13, 2007

12:44AM

Sigh.....................

Today manage to study some maths. I begining to show some interest in it. Thats good. =)
Hmmmm...today, my "hubby" have camp at Temasek Poly. 3 days and 2 nights. Oh well, I hope he have a great time over there.  I still remember what he typed in his nick "Couldn't care less" after I asked him which poly is he enter to. Great =) That is to show how "loving" he is. Pfffffffft. Nevermind about that. I'm cool. Make up and stuff are here to make me the happiest girl in the worl. Thinking of buying socks tomorrow at Jurong Point. Yup, The long socks. Should I get the strips one or plain? Maybe buy a skirt too. =)))))

What happen to me? I changed of course. I have become a lady my dear beautiful people. Heheh. Speaking of changed, that reminds me. Thank GOD I stop dreaming about my "hubby" because I don't expect him to appear in my dreams. 3 times in a row!! 3 TIMES!! gosh, I hate that. I don't even think of him not even one BIT and yet he appear in my dreams. What the fuck! Haiz, still wanting to dream about that chinese guy that i met at Sim Lim Sq. Hehe ^^

ok, got to go

I've changed..wooohoo

Current mood: numb

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

7:47PM

1. Where is your boyfriend/girlfriend?
I don't have one you idiot

2. What does your hair look like right
now?
ermm..shoulder length..wearing headband..=D

3. Where is your mother?
with my dad

4. Where is your Father?
with my mom -___-

5. Whats your Favorite Item?
A LOT. Trust me. I don't bother to list them here

6. Did you have a dream last night?
Yeeee-yaaaaaah! Terrible dream. Unexpected because I don't expect that bastard to appear in my dreams. 3 TIMES IN A ROW!

7. Whats your Favorite drink?
PEACH TEA! either pokka or seasons. I hate lipton [ I don't know how to spell it..who cares]

8. What room are you in right now?
My OWN ROOM =D

9. Your fears?
God, failure and losing my love ones of course esp. my dad. I really love him A LOT. If I lose him, I don't know what will happen to me. Seriously

10. Who did you hang out with last
night?
No one. I was shopping alone. yup ALONE independent woman babeh!

11. What You're Not?
Some people call me a bitch which I am NOT. Some people mistook me for being "minah-ishhh" because I use to curse people with all sorts of vulgarities[because I use to be a tom boy what do you expect]. Fear not, I no longer behave that way. =D

12. Do you like Muffins?
Ewwwwww

13. One of Your Wish List Items?
Ibanez Iceman! I want to play that guitar. Oh, my favourite guitarist, Daron Malaikan play using Ibanez Iceman. GOSH! I WANT IT!

14. How old are you?
Sweet 18 hehe

15. What was the last thing that you
did before you started this survey?
Thinking of buying some personal stuff CAN'T TELL YOU! BLUEK! =P

16. What You Are Wearing?
as in now? clothes to cover my body you dumb!

17. What is the last book that you
read?
I don't read books mind you. I HATE READING urgh..

18. Your Mood right now?
Bloody happy! Imagine there this girl with a wide smile on her face and she goes "WOOOPIEE" jumping around<thats me alright>

19. Best friends?
Azmir! haha..rinna, jess and my prettyhead puteri siti suhaila =D

20. What are you thinking about right
now?
When this  shitty survey going to end....pfffffft!

21. Your worry right now?
MONEY! because I stole some money from her...shhhhhh [am I evil? yes I am]

22. What are you going to do after this
survey?
Probably thinking of ermmm..I don't know..planning for girls night out perhaps?

23. Your summer:
Here....no......summer...moron.....=)

24. One night stand?  
WHAT THE FUCK!? I am such a goodie type. SHEEEESH! *slap real hard* HOW DARE YOU!

25. When Was The Last Time You Laughed?
This morning. I can't sleep after my morning prayers because I keep on laughing like some looney sick bitch. Why? I don't know. I'm serious 0___0

26. Last time you cried?
Ermmmmm..can't remember. I don't cry too often like I used to when my heart was heavy with worries. Now, I seldom cry heheh

Current mood: blah

2:08PM

Oh god! I don't know what to do now. I mean, last time I tought I need to find work but not anymore. My brother wants me to get an A1 for maths and that is IMPOSSIBLE! YAY! sheeeesh........

Anyway, I am freaking happy nowadays. I no longer think of that bastard anymore. Hahah, because of him, I am unable to study/eat/sleep/pray. URGH! Thank god, I saw someone who gets my attention even though there is ZERO percent chance of meeting him and get hooked up. Yup, living the single life with NO WORRIES. Yea, me and that bastard NO STRING ATTACHED from the begining, we only love each other but since he changed for the worst, I might as well make use of my single status thingy.haha

Not forgetting, I have all grown up. Well, a bit. Becoming into a girl. I feel girlish all of a sudden. Indulge into make up and stuff. Last time, I use to be tom boyish, didn't care about all these but now, I feel like I am all girlish now and that is cool to me! Hehehe. Alright then, got to go. Take care!

Current mood: bouncy

Friday, April 6, 2007

4:01AM - love this song



nice

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

9:58PM

Today was quite ok for me. My friend, Rinna, bought me a sling bag from Yellow shop. Yay! It for my belated birthday present yipiee! At least I am happy =D I owe her one! 

What really makes me excited is finding a job. Well, about the graphic designer thingy, no respond tho. But, my sister find me a jon in BANK! I don't mind working in a bank but I kinda scared because I'm not good in counting money and stuff. GOSH! But I have no choice. I need the job to support my family. So, I just go for it. Learn new things. Beside, its my first time working and I hope I am able to adapt the working environment. Looking forward to it! 

Much Love, 

Chapelznini

Current mood: excited

Friday, March 30, 2007

10:23PM - Changes

I changed for the better. Thanks to all my so called "friends", they changed me. I feel that I am matured beyond my age. 

I lost my bestfriend due to misunderstanding. Labels such as emo, punk or whatsoever is just a total waste of time, well to me that is.  I begining to realise that all these while, I waste my time being an emo kid. Yes, I WAS an emo kid. 

Well, its not that I am against emo but adolescent like me always fall for this trap. Finding identity, trying to fit in and be cool about it, taking up drugs and the list goes on and on. When I look back, these are the things(expect that I don't do drugs) that I did over the past few years. Why? Peer pressure.

Another reason maybe the influence of music. The type of music teens like me like to listen. When I was 15, I will put on bloody thick eyeliner and black eye shadow and draw a line with my eyeliner from my lower eyelids all the way down to my cheek. I was listening to death metal, Nightwish as some of you may heard it before. 

Then I getting bored of goth and decided to be punk instead. Again, I will do all sort of stuff to get the attention of people, hoping that they will see me as punk. As months pass by, Panic! at the disco which I believe all of you may heard it came into the sence. The first time I heard was in the radio and their song I Write Sins Not Tragedy was my all time favourite. I began searching their pictures, upload them in my old blog and told the bloggers that I am crushing on the guitarist, Ryan Ross. Whenever I listen to their songs, I will put on eye shadow like Ryan Ross did. Yes, thick blue eyeliner, sometimes I drew my eyes like Ryan's design where he drew the veins around his eyes. 

That's when I became an emo kid. I am afraid of telling my friends at first. Afraid that they might neglect me. They often told me how much they dislike emo, from the hairstyle to the clothes they are wearing. Well, it did hurt me but I rather keep it to myself. Months passed and it was graduating day, I begin to show my so called true identity. Fringe covered my right eye, wore black most of the time. Heck, I don't care about other people might think of me. 

All these searching for identity kind of stuff is indeed waste of time. After graduation, for 5 months rotting at home busy doing useless things. Downloading emo songs, buying eye liners for emo purposes, buying converse shoes, buying black and tight fitting tees and what do I gain in the end? Nothing. I should have work on my dream to be a guitarist or an artist but no, I didn't bother to work on it. 

So, after I updated my deviatart which I didn't update for a VERY LONG TIME, I begin to improve my skills bit by bit in drawing, reading people's comment about my art and also, AGAIN, telling deviants "Hey, look at me! Don't mess with me, I am an emo kid". Sooner or later, I begin to post my emo "emotive" pictures. drawing emo stuff, updating my journals which is FULL OF CRAP and get very pissed over negative comments about emo. However, thanks to my old friend who use to be my bestfriend for 5 years, I beginning to realise my mistakes. 

She updated her journal in her deviantart about an article regarding emo. I read it and I comment on it. What really pissed me off is that she told her friends this "However, I couldn't care less if one of my friends are emo themselves"  I was hurt so I decided to do a revenge instead  updating my journal in my deviantart saying that as a friend, you shouldn't care whether he/she is an emo. So, my old friend reply me with saying the last goodbye to me. "Here is the last thing I will say to you. I don't hate you because you are emo. I just hate emo but since u feel offended and you think its best  we break bonds, then I respect your decision. I wish you the best in your future." As days past, I think about it and I cried because of my stupidity. I decided to reply to her saying that its my mistake and wish her the very best. The rest are all private and confidential, because it meant for her to read. 

From that fateful day, we are officially breaking up our 5 years of friendship and therefore, I decided to clean up my act. I decided that I want to just study hard and get good grades so that I can achieve my dreams and get in the tertiary school that I always wanted. Also, I need to work for my family sake as my dad hand over the responsibility to me. I have to take over the family. I have no choice. My dad gets older and my mom is sick. I can't always depend on my sister to pay the utility bills so I have to do my part too. 

Even though I may still have this emo image but I will try my best to change for the better.

Current mood: thoughtful